NASA announced Friday that it has selected a leading candidate to join the Artemis crew as a lunar-plumbing expert. The applicant's familiarity with the SaaS ecosystem was a deciding factor over a competitor who fixed a $23 million toilet.
Ren Tanaka, a Water Pressure Systems Engineer, has overseen the unclogging of more than 100 km (62 miles) of pipes in the world's tallest building. "His experience working at the Burj Khalifa, managing roughly 946,000 liters (250,000 gallons) of wastewater per day, demonstrates a level of comfort at a scale that translates well to lavatory logistics," said spokesperson Amara Rhodes. Tanaka has also won a contract to provide zero-g bidet software and bathroom-service support to the agency.
Manny Vega, the second in line for consideration, is a Fleet Restroom Maintenance Mechanic with 27 years of expertise working for Greyhound. "Manny's background shows that he doesn't mind getting his hands dirty," Amara added.
Both candidates were tasked with completing a series of tests, from drain-waste-vent systems to space-plumbing safety codes. They were also required to repair an active toilet leak while in freefall to Earth's surface, using only the contents of a standard medicine cabinet - a qualification NASA described as part of its crisis-response framework.
Vega, who scored higher on all tests, identified the source of NASA's $23 million bathroom failure. "Someone forgot to pay the service to enable flushing," he said. He noted that he had encountered similar problems with deodorizer and hand-foam subscriptions at Greyhound. Vega couldn't comment at length, explaining that he was dealing with an adhesive-containment and overflow incident at the Old Town Transit Center after kids put superglue on a toilet seat.
NASA announced it will be hiring Ren Tanaka, concluding that Vega's strong performance proved that the agency's evaluation process had functioned as intended and that its long-term objectives are best served by Tanaka's simplified monthly-billing cycle for low-gravity bidets, flush authorization, sponge-bath scheduling, and towel-provisioning services.
A plumber and engineer stand ready to fix NASA's space toilet problems.