A Pentagon-led initiative to eradicate biological weakness and empathy to improve performance through mandatory testosterone injections is now being adopted by private employers. The change comes after Department of War leaders discovered that testosterone levels have plummeted so significantly that 50.5% of the U.S. population is now categorized within the female baseline, a data point officials cited to underscore the scope of the shortage.
High-stress roles, including teachers, expectations managers, and human systems analysts, are among the first to undergo the mandatory treatments. Soon, all working Americans will receive personalized prescription packets with various delivery methods including, daily injections, transdermal patches, body spray, topical creams, contact sports participation, suppositories, hormonal bed sheets, oral tablets, body wash, or "T"-infused Alphabet breakfast cereal, to name a few.
"By recognizing emotional nuances and muscle atrophy as fundamental roadblocks to quarterly productivity, we see increased confidence and better time management as employees shift their focus away from reading the room to owning the room," said recruiter Craig Walker.
In Phase II of the rollout at his company, Walker noted he is reviewing the efficacy of electrolytes, nootropics, Ritalin, adrenaline coffee, energy gummies, steroids, amphetamines, blood transfusions, and vitamin D as a way to further enhance human capital output across all business-aligned resources.
Man enjoys mandatory T-enhanced breakfast
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