Renowned cognitive and neurology expert Dr. Richard Whitaker visited the White House early this week, sparking increased speculation about the president's mental acuity. Dr. Whitaker - who pioneered subconscious oneiromnesic screenings to check for dementia in a person's dreams said, "I've found a 63% increase in the syndrome tied to judgment degradation during REM stages of public accountability and election outcomes." Sources confirmed three nightmares about Trump winning the 2024 presidential election in Iran.
On Wednesday, a convoy of eighteen-wheelers parked along Pennsylvania Avenue as crews unloaded tons of equipment to assemble high-field MRI scanners, portable cognitive clarity modules, and 15 dream catchers the size of garage doors. The White House framed the equipment installation as routine while tourists were rerouted and told to "look over there, not over here."
During a press conference later that evening, Dr. Whitaker stated that President Trump's cognitive test results were excellent, noting his perfect dream recall in identifying a giraffe on the MoCA zoo test. Whitaker added, however, grave concerns about the entire Trump administration: "Vice President Vance exhibited complete narrative reversal in his recurring POTUS dreams - indicating stage 3 mnesic bifurcation - while Pete Hegseth presented acute combat theater dissociation in dreams about keg wars."
Dr. Whitaker also announced he will be installing the dream catchers in the homes of every American to see how far the dementia has spread, and urges recipients not to remove them before November 2028.
Trump gets a cognitive dream diagnostic