Local attorney couple Unity and Daniel Patterson filed motions in their kitchen last week over their upcoming gender reveal party. Daniel, who self-identifies as a "free spirit," argued in his brief that the balloons should be neutral purple or ambiguous green and shaped like "cute animals to be determined by mutual agreement." Unity, on the other hand - a traditionalist, simply stated, "They will be pink and shaped like balloons."
In discovery on Monday, Daniel filed 37 exhibits to support his position, including expert opinions from the San Francisco Academy of Art, research on color psychology, child development specialists and a quote from Party City for 200 custom-printed purple balloons. Unity's response, filed only an hour later, consisted of a single statement: "Party City also has pink."
To resolve the issue, the couple requested binding arbitration before HOA President and acting Judge Alia Waters on Tuesday, their seventeenth petition in two months. Previous disputes overseen by Waters include 'whose turn it was to do dishes, how much 'mother-in-law time' is enough, and the landmark case of Patterson v. Patterson on which day is best for public display of affection. "Oral arguments are scheduled for Thursday at 11 a.m.," Waters said. "That schedule should allow enough time to deliver the pink balloons and the baby."
When asked about his 0-37 record in legal losses this year, Daniel maintained optimism. "We considered arguing like other couples," he explained. "Unity says professional detachment is better. So technically, we've never had an argument, only cases."
Judge presides over hearing of her neighbors in marital development