New Texas Gerrymandering Map Is One Big 'L' for Democracy

After initially patting themselves on the back, Texas legislators started to notice some irregularities in the district boundaries that had been hastily redrawn under tight time constraints. "When Governor Abbott gave the redistricting staff only 45 minutes and 13 seconds to redo the maps, people thought it was impossible," said Governor Abbott's neighbor's former barber turned map stylist, who was hired completely on merit and nothing else. "We finished them in only a few months, but something didn't feel right."

Gerrymandering has been a long-standing tradition in the state of Texas, and its lawmakers take it very seriously. It took a nearly forensic-level deep dive to discover what felt off. "Thanks to this most highly qualified team's investigation, we realized that the lines of the Texas voting map now concealed a hand. But not just any hand, a hand forming the symbol for 'L,' as in loser," he went on.

Initially, the team was relieved and found it rather clever. "What a great way to stick it to the libs!" But shortly afterward, analysts uncovered districts that formed the outline of spilled coffee, the Bat Signal, and someone's junk.

Ironically, the district shaped like "someone's junk" gives the GOP its biggest advantage with a 20-point lead.

Texas legislators question if newly drawn district should have been middle finger.