Republican Rally Organizers Use Grindr to Predict Crowd Sizes

After an extremely low turnout at a recent Trump rally in North Carolina, organizers announced that they will be using new technology to better predict attendance. "We no longer have to rely on head counters or drone footage. We have real-time proximity data and location information at our finger tips."

For those concerned that this sounds like big brother trying to catch them in the act, we asked how it was possible to collect this kind of information. "By tracking Mike Johnson's Grindr account" a spokesperson explained. "We have formulated a new metrics that accurately predicts how many people will show simply by tracking the number of pings Mike gets on his cellphone."

By cross referencing closet multipliers like chatter about how sad Benny Johnson's wife is on signal, divide this by the proximity to Mike's Grindr activity, and organizers claim to be able to calculate exactly how many people will show up. Give or take a threesome in the margin of error. "We can always tell things are going to get interesting and reach maximum turnout when the network overloads" he said.

Republican men dance at private after-rally party