TSA Agents Now Screening for Ugly Selfies
Are bad unfiltered selfies America's newest national threat?
WASHINGTON D.C. - In a bold effort to control the narrative, travelers flying into and out of the United States will be subjected to rigorous TSA phone screenings. The special vibe checkpoints aim to prevent individuals with what the Trump administration calls "bad selfies" and cringy non Nordic-filtered social media accounts from boarding. Supporters claim the move will blow up the U.S. tourism market by $1-2 trillion dollars over the next decade. One analyst explained, "when people in Norway, Sweden and Denmark see the superior selfies coming out of our beautiful country, they will be lining up for one-way tickets."
Critics of the measure agree that it will boost the economy, just not in the way the administration thinks. "Offshore businesses offering phone purification services that transform people with ugly brunch photos by faking it are already expanding. In addition, bot farms can transform a dishwater gray social media history into a colorful on demand glow-up." said one analyst. "So, all of this money will be going straight into the pockets of our Mumbai meme overlords."
If successful, we can expect to see vibe checkpoints rolling out at nightclubs, wedding venues and grocery store vegetable aisles as early as next year.
Travelers handover the past five years of phone data, streaming history & social media post.