Oklahoma has won a bid to host the nation's first Ivy League University of Victimhood, a prestigious institution dedicated to performative grievances. The move follows Samantha Fulnecky's essay scandal, in which she claimed that a professor made fun of her Sky Daddy by giving her a failing grade.
Soon after, a second student also named Samantha Fulnecky (no relation) turned in a blank page for a math assignment after praying over it for at least 30 minutes. She too received a grade of no effort. "I asked God for a passing grade," she said. "The professor giving me a nothing grade is not only a sign that he doesn't believe in my faith, it's an assault on my religious convictions and freedoms, same as with that other Samantha!"
Luckily, Victimhood U offers better options for students like these. "We will have programs to address today's important issues. By studying Trigger Warning Design Theory and Grievance Engineering, we equip students with the emotions to react in both career and personal situations that will end with dramatic results."
While critics slam the U.S. higher education system for teaching STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math), Victimhood University solves this problem. "We believe in a preaching-not-teaching approach," said Dean Fulnecky (also no relation). "Our SSTTEEMM will emphasize Science Supremacy, Traditional Technology, Entitlement Engineering, and Moral Mathematics," he added. Incoming students are assured that the curriculum will be just as demanding and expensive as other colleges.
Students of Oklahoma's Victimhood University expect threats around every corner