Woman Hoarding Eggs from the Patriarchy Births 101st Child

Woman promises to use all of her remaining 250,000 eggs, even if it means surrogacy.

SAN FRANCISCO - Billionaires Elon Musk, Pavel Durov, and Xu Bo have fathered enough children to guarantee the future of the billionaire bunker class. While the exact number of Tesla Toddlers remains unknown, Durov and Xu claim to have produced more than 200 children together (though not "together," together). Both men carry the prestigious Golden Sperm Card, catering exclusively to men with a hundred or more heirs. Benefits include first-come, first-served, appointment-free visits to sperm vaults worldwide, 100 cryo-storage credits a month, plus contact-free concierge services. Memberships are highly sought after by men eager to scale their genetic dynasties and launch the next generation of pedigree tykes.

However, this boys' club may not stay that way for long. The female multi-billionaire known simply as Eomma recently gave birth to her 101st child. While her record speaks for itself, like many women she still has to define her own place in the world. "Why should men get to create dad dynasties and not mothers?" she often responds when questioned about headcount.

Eomma has also been making waves far outside of pediatrics in order to upend the reproductive status quo. She recently introduced the "O Card" in partnership with women. Unlike its male counterpart, "benefits can be allocated to any woman, even if she is a man," Eomma stated. Perks include paid maternity leave, free pre- and postnatal care, plus an ovaries futures college fund for every daughter, even if she happens to be a boy.