America's newest billionaire, Ellsworth Harrington, found himself trending last week as yet another one of his political action vehicles failed to gain traction in the White House. "Our slogan 'Uplift America' didn't have the impact that we'd anticipated," said Reza Morgan, a close associate and follower of Harrington. He attributed the setback to partisan machinery and an electorate fixated on affordability and team politics.
Morgan assured success with Harrington's 364 other Super PACs still in play, including "Lift America Up," "America Above it All," and "America: Now More Than Ever!" "We've got 364 shots to get the tagline right," he declared. Meanwhile, 53 House members in competitive districts have expressed interest in backing all 364 PACs, despite already navigating conflicts of interest with the 5,000+ other groups bankrolling their candidacy.
In return for his funding their campaigns, Harrington has proposed that he simply own the entire country. "All we are asking for is everything," said Reza.
Pushback from fellow plutocrats, who called the divestiture of all mansions, yachts, stocks, pets, cities, states, institutions, and spouses to one man unfair, also claimed that they would be paying a heavier price than Americans with nothing to lose.
Harrington has, however, noted that he was prepared to relent on Florida and everything in it as a compromise, pending re-acquisition through his un-deployed PACs.
House Representative Dave makes deal with his 575th Super Pac
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