OKLAHOMA - Faced with a collapsing housing market, Americans are reportedly pivoting away from the cul-de-sac to detention centers, according to Dean Fulnecky of Victimhood University. The shift coincides with a rise in civil rights violations due to shifting policies and a culture of litigation-based wealth acquisition. "Things in our country are severely unbalanced," said Fulnecky. "Wrongful imprisonments have become the new retirement plans." A recent case in his state resulted in a $26.25 million settlement after a man was proven innocent, compared to the median 401(k) balance in the U.S. of only $55,000.
Fulnecky cites recent events in his own life as the catalyst for his fight for fairness. After failing to secure a settlement following a vandalism claim against his son for using permanent chalk on a public walkway, Fulnecky said he saw how the system works for some groups and against others. He added that he considered appealing his son's innocence but changed his mind after speaking with his wife. "My child was also proven not guilty, but the system doesn't reward him with a retirement plan," he explained.
An outraged Fulnecky announced that Victimhood University will add new curriculum to prepare students for this future. Classes will focus on reverse entrapment methodologies, advanced misdemeanor baiting, and eleven ways to spot violations of your rights while waiting in line at Starbucks.
American prison home.
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